Lessons

I am quite relieved...happy, even. Yesterday, on my walk home, I talked to my mom and told her that "the plan" had changed, that my life seems to be going in a different direction than I had anticipated. She was upset for maybe 3 minutes, but she could tell that I had really given this a lot of thought and I am not acting on impulse. She was quickly supportive and said that she trusted me and my decisions...which brings me to my topic.

I was talking with a friend yesterday about arranged marriages. She was saying that she has a good relationship with her parents, but she'd never want them to pick out a husband for her. I actually surprised myself by disagreeing, saying that I wouldn't mind if my mom did that for me, because she really does want my happiness above her own, and she knows me very well and would choose someone truly good for me.

Not that I am entering into an arranged marriage. God forbid I commit to anything for life.

We all need people to give us support, solid, real support in our lives. I've always relied on my mom to give that to me, because she always does, even if it's not immediate. However, I've also started looking elsewhere for support, like to my closest friends. I always used to see getting help as a weakness, like I couldn't be independent enough to resolve something on my own, but now I am slowly teaching myself that letting people in and asking them to give you what you can't give to yourself is a very good thing to do. It allows for people to care about you, and thus caring leads to more caring. I have interesting logic, I guess. I don't know that anyone is quite as strong headed as me, or as fiercely independent and reliant on freedom.

But I'm learning.

I'm learning to trust.

I'm learning to love more openly.

I'm learning to let my heart take risks.

I'm learning to not let hurt, or the fear of being hurt, stop me from embracing life.

I'm learning to let you in.