Wait, what?
I guess I just like to worry. Not like it but...it's what I do and I'm quite good at it. But I will figure it out, figure out if I want to work and it will all fall into place. I already promised myself as much.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Oh, Again
I'm back to the familiar comfort of worry. I am always worrying, especially when I am not excited about something. And I am excited about something, I am very excited about returning to BU and all that that holds. That happens Saturday and that is only a few days away...and thank goodness. It could not come sooner. I am so happy to be allowed another year, to get a second chance. That's what it feels like...going back feels like I've been given a second chance that I really don't deserve. Now it comes down to worrying about going back. It seems like a viscious circle...worry, excitement, worry...etc. Now I'm worried about my grades, of course, and also about my time. I got a job out of my work study grant...which is great, except that my mom doesn't even care. The money will be mine to keep. And I found a job that sounds like a lot of fun, as a production assistant, but I am also worried about having enough timing to do it all. It would only be a couple hours per day. What am I worried about? Well...that's adding on top of classes, homework, my radio show each week, being a tour guide, and Lebanese Club. If that works out. Oh and a job, that idea is stressing me out. But I want to be earning money, if the man will keep me on, and this production assistant business looks reasonable. I'm not really that concerned.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Pierced
I got my tragus pierced today. It wasn't something I was really planning to do, though I have wanted to since I was 15. I was just with my best friend and I went for it...I was impulsive, something that doesn't always characterize me. And yeah, if you're wondering, it hurt for a second, and it aches now...but it's so worth it. I'm so happy.
The worst part of this good thing is my mom's reaction. She basically slammed her door in my face and was really angry. I understand that she didn't want me to do it, but I had been talking about it so much recently, she had to have known that it was something I was thinking about. Does she really think that I put a hole in my ear to hurt her? I don't go out of my way to hurt her feelings and this was no exception. I hate that she is giving me the silent treatment right now, but in a way, I understand.
But it's my body.
You must understand, I didn't pierce my ear to rebel or get back at my mom or anything. I just think it looks neat. The hole is tiny, so if I wanted to take it out, I easily could, and it would be unnoticeable. I went to a good place, I thought about it, and I went with my best friend. I have no regrets, except the soreness I'm experiencing now.
I did this for an entirely different reason. Yes, it was chiefly because I like the way it looks...it's small and subtle so not everyone will see it right away, but it's still pretty. I also did it because it's pretty unexpected. I guess like a lot of people, I feel like I am constantly being shoved into this mold. My personal mold is that of the straight edge...I'm tamer than ANYONE I know that is my age. I wish I were exaggerating, but I'm not at all. I had two very weak drinks my entire freshman year. I kissed one guy, and really, he kissed me, and it was my first kiss and it lasted like 20 seconds. I didn't smoke anything, I didn't do any drugs, and I barely missed a class. I attended more movies than parties. And I'm not unhappy about that. I like waking up and being ok with my previous night, and I like just living healthfully. I just wanted to put this hole in my ear for myself, for aesthetics, and partly, to do something a tiny bit unexpected. I can't always be what people want me to be, or think I am. I guess I just don't want to fall into a pattern of my own design.
The worst part of this good thing is my mom's reaction. She basically slammed her door in my face and was really angry. I understand that she didn't want me to do it, but I had been talking about it so much recently, she had to have known that it was something I was thinking about. Does she really think that I put a hole in my ear to hurt her? I don't go out of my way to hurt her feelings and this was no exception. I hate that she is giving me the silent treatment right now, but in a way, I understand.
But it's my body.
You must understand, I didn't pierce my ear to rebel or get back at my mom or anything. I just think it looks neat. The hole is tiny, so if I wanted to take it out, I easily could, and it would be unnoticeable. I went to a good place, I thought about it, and I went with my best friend. I have no regrets, except the soreness I'm experiencing now.
I did this for an entirely different reason. Yes, it was chiefly because I like the way it looks...it's small and subtle so not everyone will see it right away, but it's still pretty. I also did it because it's pretty unexpected. I guess like a lot of people, I feel like I am constantly being shoved into this mold. My personal mold is that of the straight edge...I'm tamer than ANYONE I know that is my age. I wish I were exaggerating, but I'm not at all. I had two very weak drinks my entire freshman year. I kissed one guy, and really, he kissed me, and it was my first kiss and it lasted like 20 seconds. I didn't smoke anything, I didn't do any drugs, and I barely missed a class. I attended more movies than parties. And I'm not unhappy about that. I like waking up and being ok with my previous night, and I like just living healthfully. I just wanted to put this hole in my ear for myself, for aesthetics, and partly, to do something a tiny bit unexpected. I can't always be what people want me to be, or think I am. I guess I just don't want to fall into a pattern of my own design.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)