Defining friendship

More than hipster style, autotuned music, and eco-friendliness, ambiguity seems to be the biggest trend of recent years.
Nothing is black and white, well defined anymore. What is a hook up? There are as many definitions as there are kinds of juice at Trader Joe's. What about free time? Some of us don't even know what that means anymore. And "the conventional family"? Can we even attempt to define family at all? Home is no longer one place anymore, and relationships are relevant. Even our physical place is subject to interpretation, as we can easily communicate with someone who is a far away from us as the Earth is from the moon.
Certainty is no longer an option.
No wonder we are so damn anxious all the time-our own, safe bubbles are indefinable. We can't even fully comprehend our worlds, because suddenly, our worlds are boundless.
One character trait I have is that of embraced confusion. I am constantly confused, but I'm also unafraid to admit it. I'm confused about everything from school subjects to social norms to the ins and outs of American politics...and American football. A lot of this confusion stems from the fact that I don't have conventional views on many things. I'm firm on things that most people are easygoing about, and open minded about subjects that often seem to have one single viewpoint.
One thing that I am firm on?
Friendship.
There are rules. There is, of course, a difference between a friend and an acquaintance-that part is simple. But in a world full of endless possibilites, I have set down my own "box" of friendship. This stems, as do many things, from past hurt-friends, or those that I believed to be friends, have hurt me and disappointed me about 18 ways from Sunday. I grew weary of expecting things from people who could not offer them.
Let's make one thing clear. I am a great friend. You should be lucky to be counted as one of my friends, and really lucky to be a close friend. Because of past disappointments, I have been more picky in who I let into my life. So I take the friend label much more seriously than most.
So, my rules?
1. Be loyal. Sometimes, you have to choose between friends, and who you choose is a reflection of your desires. Not choosing is a choice as well.
2. Care. Seems simple, but it isn't. Be considerate enough to ask about the other person, and be ready to listen, actually listen, to what they have to say. Don't text in the middle of my synopsis. Don't gaze off into the distance the moment I speak.Try to listen.
3. Be available when it's actually important. This isn't a needy demand for you to drop everything and rush to my aid. This is a request that you pick up the phone when I call. Then, follow #2 after answering.
4. Be interesting. I know this seems a little strange, but hear me out. I can't relate to someone unless they care about something. It can be your dog, it can be your family history, it can be the future of the AIDS vaccine. I'm not particular. Just care about something so that we can talk about it and so I can learn from you.
5. Make some effort. If I call you 30 times, and you send me one text, I feel rejected, and no we aren't friends, just phone-tag buddies. Date book relationship.
That's it, really. These seem like really solid, really basic things to me, but I have found that these are very hard to find in someone else. You can't be a jerk, ignore me for two weeks, then expect a hug to smooth it all over. You can't make awful jokes but expect me to understand the humor. You can't pick and choose when we will be friends, depending on your scheduling convenience.
Figure yourself out, and then we can muddle through life together.

Close

I miss so many things right now.
Like, my bed at home. My puppy's little belly. Real Arabic food.
The thing I am wistful for most right now, though, and for the past few weeks: physical closeness. I really miss the feeling of being enveloped, being touched gently, feeling pressure and that flutter within. I'm not completely without being touched, of course, but the touches I get these days are brief acknowledgments of my presence and my form. And they are fine, acceptable, pleasant for what they are.
But they are not enough.
I want to be acknowledged for my gender, for my physical presence. Everything I am is from the inside, but it is expressed fully on the outside.

I like being touched. Babies die without being touched. Why? Because it is our most basic form of showing love, caring, even just a lack of disgust with someone else. We've been touching since the dawn of human forms. The easiest way to send a chill or a thrill through me is through the lightest of touches, of an expression of...something. It can express so much-affection, excitement, anger, hate, lust, love.
Everything is in what we do, more so than what we say. A touch is a bottom line.

And I miss it. I miss the romantic parts of touch, the excitement that I am there in physical presence. I miss being held. I miss it.

Snap

Sassiness. Being sassy. A trademark of who I am is that I am witty, or sarcastic, or funny, but whatever it is exactly, it can all be boiled down to one simple word: sassy. My sense of humor can be biting at times, but people seem to love it, and what I am finding now is an interesting phenomenon: I'm getting that sassy given back to me. Now that it's summer, my friends have fallen into one of two camps: Women's Center ladies, and my guy friends. Yesterday was a day spent solely with the opposite sex, which generally suits me, as I can be as sassy as I want without the risk of hurting anyone's feelings. What always takes me be surprise is how quickly guys start giving it back to me, even after I've known them for...not long at all. Sometimes I fear that this is my undue influence, but I actually think that most intelligent men are naturally witty with a biting edge. Guys are raised to be the "funny ones", to entertain women, but they are never nice to each other. When they find a girl who can joke around like one of the boys, they are pretty quick to embrace that, and I love my friendships for what they are. I love being able to joke around and being one of them, instead of being treated like some fragile object, as many boys will act towards girls. I HATE being treated differently than any other friend, even though gender differences are often unavoidable.

I'm rambling. Here's my point. I've always wondered why so many guys I know feel so comfortable in biting, witty humor towards me after 10 minutes of knowing me. A friend says it simply like this: "We are just testing our boundaries, how far you will let us go with you." I've experienced a lot of wit in the past few weeks from new friends and even co workers, and I certainly don't mind it, even if it might be often unexpected. The ability to have a quick wit is a great mark of intelligence, in my opinion, and I am always excited when someone can keep up with me.

Did you follow? Don't hurt yourself ;)

Life is better with a wink thrown in.