Musings

I got tired of waiting for my life to begin. So I've decided to take matters into my own hands. "Yeah, if you jump, you might get hurt. You could even die, if we are thinking in extremes here. But if you don't jump...you never live. I'm thinking that jumping and living for 30 seconds is much more preferable to being nonliving for 90 years." Happiness is fulfillment. It's being able to look at the future without fear. Happiness is not fleeting, if you can have the courage to give it survival.

I need a judge. Or God.

Decisions. Or, decision. I'm not really sure, but they continue to chase me, no matter if I get a few days of certainty stuck in there at some point. It's so tiring and frustrating..today, after barely sleeping, I feel like my head is actually going to explode. Like I have pressure in my head...it's interesting.

But

I have also been able to learn about myself in this whole process. Which is good, because just getting anxiety and an ulcer is seriously unproductive. I'm learning that I am always ready for a new adventure. I feel like I never really got the adventure I was looking for when I went off to college, though I moved across the country to a city I barely knew. I still made it familiar, which is what I needed at the time. But I need my adventure. I've been waiting my whole life for the chance to carve out a life story that is uniquely my own. One that I can look back on and tell people about, and have them be able to say, wow, you certainly have taken a winding path less traveled to get to....wherever I am. I want that, more so now that I have the opportunity. Being a doctor can give me the opportunity to keep having adventures and support myself and help people all at once, and that's still my goal. I guess I am just surprised at the deep feeling of adventure and spontaneity that I yearn for. So, with that in mind, I need to figure my next year out. I have a goal and I have a few choices. Now what? Well, I don't know. But I'm gonna get there. 

Just a blurb

You know how MLK had a dream? Well I do too. For myself, at least. And I'm willing to walk across the country and yell at people and fight until I get it.

Another Poem

I sigh at my watch in frustration

I had found another long lost time piece, only to discover another dead battery

I know that watch batteries are small, but must mine always be deceased?

Time is supposed to be one of those constantly constant things

It never changes, never stops moving

If we lose our sense of time, it is most disorienting

Jet lag is no joke

So why, why, must my time always be out of sorts?

Maybe my watches know me too well