Float On

Forgive the Modest Mouse-stolen title, but I couldn't think of anything more fitting.

Does something so utterly perfect and lovely ever happen to you that your mood can't be ruined for a long, long time? I'm one to love letting go of anger and hating losing happiness...I'll do anything to hold onto good feelings, sometimes too much so. I feel like I am do not happen upon just nice, unblemished happiness very often...it's often from the littlest things, but we all deserve to feel bliss from time to time, and to hold onto it for as long as possible. Because, really, with all the crap that goes on in the world...we need more happy people. "Happy people are good. Happy people make me happy."

I really am in quite a mood.

Ok....Go!

Motivation.

It's one of those strange, kind of immaterial things...you either have it or you don't, in every situation in your life. I have motivation to do things that will get me absolutely nowhere in my life, like cook for myself instead of microwaving, and motivation to write this blog. Nothing even coming close to important do I have motivation for....I'm one of those people that needs to have an inner change to finally be motivated. I'm incredibly motivated to get good grades this coming semester....not because the pre med department or my mom is telling me to, but because I saw my work and I felt something move within me, that I suddenly knew I needed to work really hard and do my best. 

I think it's also funny to think about what people have motivation for and what they do not. I have friends who are very motivated to have fun but never to do their work, and vice versa...living in the extremes is never good. I also feel like fear, in some ways, can be another form of laziness....you have a fear and are too lazy or unmotivated to take a risk and overcome your fear. Overcoming a fear is definitely an effort, but sometimes I truly wonder how much it will take for some people to let go of all their fears and chase what they truly want....time will tell, I suppose.

Stuck

It's Sunday night and I am still in Boston. I love this city, but I was supposed to be home yesterday, and now I am just weary of the "blowing snow mist" and incredibly ready to be home and be away from Logan Airport for a significant amount of time. When my flight got messed up on Saturday, calling my mom was so hard. Leaving the airport was like ripping myself away from what I have been anticipating for so long. Part of why I came to Boston was to get away from my old life, and now I am totally ready to get back to the semblance of it for the holidays. I was trying not to cry all last night, and this morning I actually woke up at 3am to go to the airport to see if there was any surprise availability. There wasn't, and I was so sad..and then all of a sudden, I told myself to get OVER it. I'm not the only one who got stuck in the snowstorm, not by a long shot, and being home a day and a half later isn't really a big deal. I guess I was just not handling disappointment with much maturity. But now I feel better, and I managed to make friends with two security guards and a convenience store worker..thus, all is not a total loss.

I can't say that being home won't be great, though. I can sleep all I want, and hang out with my loyal follower aka my puppy. I'll have time to actually breathe (unlike thanksgiving) and hang out with my friends...and eat my weight in fro yo. And I will come back to Boston, renewed and ready to kick semester 2's ass.

yes.

And the snow is absolutely beautiful....it covers the dirt and concrete and sparkles in the light. It mutes every noise and makes everything seem clean with its stark whiteness. 

And now I'm ready to leave it behind.

California, here I come

Almost

Gosh I love Snow Patrol...buy A Hundred Million Suns, their new album, if you haven't yet. Or I can burn you a copy of course.

Anyways...I'm going to be home on Saturday, for a truly significant amount of time. I can't honestly figure  out how I feel about this. There's excitement mixed with expectations mixed with apprehension mixed with a twinge of sadness. I left California for a reason, but I never expected to love Boston so immensely or to adjust so well, so quickly. I won't have a white Christmas, but the comfort in being around the familiarity of home is nice to anticipate. I traveled farther away from home than almost anyone I know, which is why it's nice to have a roommate in the same situation. I feel like part of the reasoning in being excited to go home is  that home is where we can truly be ourselves and we are most comfortable. But, truly, I feel totally at home right in my dorm at school, and I certainly haven't acted like myself. I guess I continue to be torn as to how to feel, but I am not afraid to admit that I am excited to come home for some relaxing with my oldest friends, if only for a little while.

Like my previous post, I continue to be fascinated with the snow. Tomorrow we are supposed to get a great proper snow, which is exciting for the Christmas season. With my school schedule stretching on so long, I feel like I've been able to have limited participation in the holiday time, which is hands down my favorite time of the year. My mom was telling me about the mini tree she bought, which is unusually festive on her part, so I'm excited to see that. Otherwise, it's just a push to get through my (horrible) calc final, and then some fun here before I ship off to 3 weeks of NOT THINKING in CA. 

I'm seriously looking forward to be able to sleep/eat/laugh etc without thinking about Chem 101 or calculus.... oh joy!

SNOW IS MAGICAL.

Oh my gosh, it truly is. It falls around you and you don't even notice the cold because there is this white blanket forming on all sides of you...it makes the world quieter and more peaceful, and it looks so pretty as it floats from the clouds. I love it. 

Life Alive

I have no energy. I am absolutely drained. This week was very long and ate up all of my energy to begin with, and then last night was Lebanese Night and it was so much running around and dancing, I'm just about the most tired person you're going to meet. The night was so great, though, don't get me wrong...being with genuinely fun people and enjoying my culture. I'm currently cleaning the dorm (SO much laundry) before we head off to a basketball game, then more studying....finals are fast approaching, and I must do well on them. 

I don't have much to write about that is super philosophical, but I am going to write about what's going through my head, which is having FUN. Last night was incredibly fun for me, and I was distracted to the point of being able to relax and laugh and enjoy the night. I don't know if this is true at all for anyone else,  but I sometimes forget to have fun or laugh because I get so focused on my to-do list. But having fun is so important...it makes you realize that life is about experiences and how happy you are, not how perfect or wealthy or succesful you can become. I can't say that I am that much of a "carefree" person but I love laughter and forgetting about my problems sometimes. You can't let the things that make you unhappy rule your life...although that may push you towards a more "perfect" image, how are you truly living if you only work and never enjoy the moment?

So, in these days of finals and stress, don't forget to laugh once in a while. 

The Interim

I am between breaks...and, more importantly, between versions of me. 

Going home for the first time after starting at BU was fun, hectic, exhausting...and really threw me off. Am I two different people? I don't think I am...but I also know that I have changed since beginning college. My views have changed, and I don't see the world or even morality as so incredibly black and white like I did. I loved being home, because I was cramming fun into every piece of my day, but I know that I love Boston and I could never go back to California or to what was for very long. 

I just...I feel as if I have changed, and maybe its that I feel that my relationships have changed. I am sitting here, really having a difficult time putting what I feel into words. I love those that are still in California, but for many of them...it's just different. Our relationships have shifted. Part of it is that I have let go of worrying about what people are doing and realized that everyone makes their own choices, and I can only be myself and be a friend. I apologize if I make zero sense. I guess that I am just saying...I am very much "different from the crowd" on the way I act and in how I see the world, even more so now that I am in college,  and that affects my friendships. But I am happier with the way things are now. 

In other news...HAPPY DECEMBER!!! The Christmas season is so incredible, and I am looking forward to it snowing for me here, as that would just add to the magic. Even with the incredible stress of the end of the semester and all of the school things I have to do, I can't stop being happy that it is this time of year and my life is really good. I can't stop smiling!