First Holiday of the Season!!!!

I don't really have much of anything "philosophical" to say today.

Tomorrow is officially Halloween, and I am quite excited about it! I am going to be a sunflower complete with yellow tutu :) It will be so adorable, though, sadly, my straightening iron broke so my hair will be doing whatever it feels like, as usual. I am going to the craft store to buy felt with my roommate and then I will make my sunflower headpiece, and she'll construct her Twister board costume (also cute/cheap/creative)

Mmph we just had a dance party/belted out the Britney so it's time for my shower! Have a fantastic amazing SAFE and above all fun Halloween! 

Always

I am always confused. Not necessarily about something current or pertinent, but I am constantly confused about something. And, as great as wikihow is, it really can't be a manual for life. 

Other words for "confused":

muzzy

befuddled

discombobulated

addled 

flummoxed

nonplussed

at sixes and sevens

Why are all these words so silly, just by the way?

So, I feel this way a lot. Usually it's because of chemistry or the heavy accent of my calculus teacher, but I also get confused about the context of a text message, what someone else is feeling, or about HOW THE FREAKING ABSENTEE REGISTRATION WORKS. Maps confuse me, explanations confuse me, and the fact that there is a man that constantly runs up and down Comm Ave confuses me. I guess I should stop looking for a reason to explain everything, which goes to my actual point...

I think this is just my problem, but in case it isn't...I look for logic behind absolutely everything. I'll tell people that their logic is 

wrong, and when they say that they weren't using logic, it utterly baffles me. Opinion

s should always be supported by evidence. Right? 

Well, I'm still confused by kinetic energy in wave transfers, but now that I've been in college/away from home for a while, I've realized that doing something for no reason is...fine. Not every opinion, or "belief" as Luke says, has to have solid reasoning. Which is really a hard thing for me to absorb, since I have always been such an analytical child. But I'm getting there. Sometimes you just have to have faith in what will happen, or even faith in yourself, no "sensical-ness" involved. Sometimes instinct has a lot of value.

In other news...I'm going to be a sunflower for Halloween! Or, if I look sexy, a sinflower hahaah. But hopefully it will look cute! I can't wait for this week to be over!

HOLY

I MET ELIE WIESEL TONIGHT.

Holy potatosticks.

Vriendschap

That's friendship in Dutch, just in case you were wondering.

Last night I had a discussion with a friend about friendship, and how to define a best friend. Of course, we were talking about one of my specific friends, but she made me think. Hard. In my humble opinion, I have always been a really good friend, sometimes to the detriment of myself. I'm a great listener, problem solver, and I like doing random cute things for people. I also get the angriest at the people who I consider to be my closest friends, because I guess I hold them up to impossible standards sometimes, but only because I see them through the lens of being perfect, and when they aren't perfect, it sends me reeling. 

I feel like a lot of our young lives are spent trying to find great friends, which, let's face it, is incredibly important. Who we're friends with will affect us on a very deep level. These are the people who give you advice, who should support you in your darker hours, and are basically the family that you get to choose. Sometimes, though, I wonder to what degree each person looks at the merits of the other person versus what the person can do for yourself. I've always chosen friends who have values similar to mine and who I have something in common, but I often neglect looking at how they might treat me in the future. It's impossible to see into the future, of course, but..it can be crazy to realize that the people that you have chosen, the people you spend your free time with, the people you love the most,

 can really not be doing much for you except to make you feel good. And I think that that's okay. But you also have to make sure you have mostly equal friendships in your life. People who listen and help you out as much as you do for them. YOU have to do for them what they do for you...it's only fair, and it's only what will make a friendship that you cherish.

Don't be lazy. Surround yourself with people that make you want to be better, and make you want to be a good friend to them. The best of friendships teach us selflessness, that we must give up some things to be a good friend to someone who is worth the sacrifice. 

In other news...it's almost Halloween! I have something of a hell week up through Friday, but this weekend looks like it's going to be a lot of fun! Just something to look forward to :)

Aventuras de la Biblioteca

This was the highlight of my day, besides hearing about various people and their drugs and their friend's drugs...just because I'm super cleanandsober doesn't mean I don't know what's goin on haha.

Ahem

9pm:Jessica shows me a text for Jeff's coffee order, and I quote: small pumpkin coffee, put half and half in slowly until the cream rises to the top, about 2 tbsp. 

9:44: I send to Jess: Hey, could you get me some tea? It needs to be green tea and put 2.38 squirts of honey in, then stir in a clockwise direction until rainbows appear in the steam

:)

9:50, from Jess' cell: That was really effing funny-Jess

10:00 pm from Jess' cell: Thats not funny sarah-Jeff

hahahahhaah.

oh and yesterday, caitlin spent a half hour on im (when she was sitting literally across from me) trying to convince me to kick her under the table

kick me

kick me

just kick me

kick

do it 

do it

do it. kick

kick me

and then I look under the table and there are huge wooden legs in the way. beautiful.

Rambling

Last night, I was crying before I fell asleep to "Everything Will be Alright" by Joshua Radin, which is certainly the best song to fall asleep to when it's been a day for crying. I was crying because my grandmother has gotten more sick and because I had had an exhausting, overwhelming day thinking about my future...and trying to fix my grades. To be honest, I didn't do a plentiful amount of deep thinking, but when I got up this morning, I did start thinking about how much our pasts really, truly shape us.

And it certainly varies. 

I remember when I had my first real crush on a guy since like fifth grade. I was his confidante for a while, and I remember thinking, wow, his crazy home life is sort of like mine, to a lesser degree. And I listened to him and all of his worries...and when he dumped me like a load of dirt, I just thought, well I went through the same, if not worse, than him growing up, and I'd never do this to anyone. 

My point is, how you treat people in your current life can be affected by your past life, but you do have some control over it. I was taught to be incredibly polite and think of "others before self", and I have really absorbed that...I am such a worrier, and I thank everyone I know profusely. But I can also be loud and assertive and try to work for myself when I need to. So I guess life is just about editing, really actively editing, what influences you. I don't think that you can float through life like a leaf on a river, just hoping that you're turning out alright. You gotta be careful about what you invite in your life and who you are becoming. My mom told me that since I had gotten to college, I had seemed to have gotten more selfish and more materialistic...and I realized she was right. And once I had truly seen that, I decided I needed to fix it because that isn't the person I want to be. So I am not going shopping for a long while ;)

But really, I'm just trying to say that...don't use your past as an excuse for your actions. Anyone can become the person they want to be. That is never unattainable. People seem like they lose hope sometimes, that they'll never be totally the person they would like to be...but that's just not true. Am I talking in circles? Sorry if I am. I just want people to like themselves! Seriously. 

Sigh.

Aww You're So Cute!

I have constantly wondered, asked, and wondered again as to why I am constantly defined as "cute". 

I finally got my answer, so get excited. 

"First, you approach things in a unique way.

Second, you do it with a sense of quirky, self deprecating, offbeat humor.

Third, you have a joie-de-vivre that some people just lack.

Fourth, you're a bit innocent. 

It's the odd observations you have, the way you say them, that's really it."

(big hearts to my cashew, for putting into words what people have been saying all along)

A Playlist

My grilled cheese tastes like soap. Now that I'm in college, it's the one thing I eat with constancy. Especially when the dining hall goes all weird Mexican food night on you with like fajitas made in bulk...I don't even understand why they bother attempting Mexican food on the East Coast. Last night was fancy night in the dining hall, and I was just wondering why my potatoes were, as Cara said, "so sloshy." 

But..I digress.

Today, I am inspired by Rihanna. WAIT TO JUDGE ME. I've been listening to this song by her and TI "Live Your Life", which is basically about being happy with what you got. Which is a little ironic coming from two mega wealthy hip hop stars....

But there is one line in the song that made me stop focusing on the perfect beat of the song (a valuable thing when you walk everywhere) and made me listen: 

"You're unhappy with your riches cuz you're piss poor morally"

Ok so TI isn't exactly a poet but it still got me thinking. For a lot of people, their goal after college is to make a lot of money, be successful, and ultimately "do something" with their degree. And then they can be the envy of everyone around them because they earn so much. They will ignore their family in times of crisis but be around to get their inheritance. They will buy their children the best new Ipod but be surprised by their ingratitude. This is bliss, right?

This is the American dream. Right? RIGHT?

Maybe not. Maybe it is. Everyone has their own morality, and everyone follows that morality in their own way. I'm not qualified to judge anyone...I'm not even qualified to balance a chemical reaction equation in chemistry, as evidence by my most recent test score. But I do think that maybe we need a redefinition of success. To me, it is what will make me happy, but not to the detriment of others. Happiness that helps others to get closer to happiness..I believe that that is happiness in its purest form. It is not just serving yourself, because what fulfillment can come of that? That you have built yourself a great life and will leave that legacy behind? I don't know. That wouldn't make me happy, but maybe I'm just weird. 

And don't get me wrong, being successful for your own sake is absolutely, 100% important. Keeping your head above water is not to be taken for granted.

Which brings me to the other song that I have been listening to with heavy rotation, "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin. It's definitely worth a listen, especially after you've failed a midterm and have the sudden urge to jump off the closest bridge. 

I guess music really is a great part of the soul. 

Obviously

"This is what happens when you give a stoner the internet"

"Yeah that is a beautiful quote"

With any luck, the podcast will be a reality. 

Pimpin'

I am wearing almost all men's clothes right now...men's sale thermal and t shirt from the Gap (mostly because I was too lazy to walk upstairs to women's to buy the same thing in a tinier fit for three times the price), boot cut jeans, and Van's...in a man's size. 

And it's pretty obvious that I'm a girl.

I'm just writing a little piece on men...or on "y chromosomes", as I call them from time to time. I was inspired by a conversation had at dinnertime about the overly dramatic boys we have ALL had in our lives..the ones that spend 5 full minutes on one text or instant message, filling it with cliches. The ones that constantly have complaints about their families, their work, or their horrible professor. The ones who kiss you in the rain just so they can say, they kissed a girl in the rain once. Drama is not reserved for females, and I would much appreciate it if that stereotype would end now. 

Boys are wonderful, though, if, like friends or washer repairmen, you are wise enough to choose the right ones for you. And the right ones...are usually the unexpected ones. Personally, my whole focus in life has been education, and that remains for me in many ways. However, some of my favorite conversations (and favorite boys) have been with guys who swear at Mariokart, break bones falling off of semipermanent walls, and are more succesful at memorizing every great stoner flic of our generation than they are at doing calc equations. My point is...who you are, and who you define yourself as, does not limit what you love in someone, especially someone of the opposite sex. It's more about...what makes you feel good, in your gut...and when you're young, what gives you some fun. (NOT LIKE THAT). Guys are the ones who are going to laugh mercilessly at you when you smack into a wall...and then hit the next one themselves even harder. Guys are the ones that are going to convince you to have more food because, hell, why not? And come on, more food is always fun. 

My last bit is this...everyone does it, including me, but don't stick around or dwell on those dudes that don't really make you feel so great. Sure, they might be totally cute, or seem to "take care of you", but at the end of the day, the best feeling is just having someone who actually cares...without hesitation or without "vueltas" as my roommate says (aka none of this going round and round in your head). No one can ever be perfect, but maybe...girls can stop settling. And, well, if they really want you, they'll rise to the occasion. Promesa :)

And.. Happy Mol(e) Day! 6.02x10/\23

What the..

So I've been thinking about weird people. Not that I don't classify myself as weird (or just genuinely quite quirky), but I'm talking about the people you see and think, huh, weird. The guy with the towering green mohawk walking down a suburban street, for example, or the girl wearing a a sequin tracksuit and ugg boots on a plane to LA in July (that's a true story right there). They inspire in us an impulse to say well, that's strange. Or in the case of my friend Jess, WHAT THE FUUU.

But I've been thinking lately, maybe these people aren't weird at all. Maybe they know exactly how they are perceived by others, and like the reaction. Or maybe they have the courage the rest of us (outwardly) normal people don't have to be perceived as strange and just not care. To be so secure in yourself as to risk freaking people out...that's confidence.  

We even live in a society that prizes individuality above so much else, so to be called weird...well, you have to be really doing something different. So, if like me, you are occasionally called weird...wear that as a badge of accomplishment, for losing your inhibitions to stray from the pack a little. 

And I wore a tutu on the T so...I get it :)

(number of times I used "weird":6)

Purpose

(I finally learned what blog means!)

Ever since I was a kid, I've been told that I am "wise beyond my years". I've never been totally sure as to what that means, exactly, but I guess it means that I understand my world maybe a little better than people my age...and in some ways, that's true. I always see both sides of an issue, and as much as I like an argument, fairness is something that's really built into my perspective. So this blog is my expression...I plan to share on here about the places that I live (the East and West coasts), about my experiences, and about the things I have learned along the way.

Youth does not bar understanding.