Classes continue, and are as easy as I expected...perhaps easier. It's like being back in high school, and I hate the slight feeling of being patronized when I am there. It's not like the students aren't smart, but I am not being challenged enough. I finally got the inevitable question and accompanying eye roll of "You're one of those smart girls, aren't you?" Yeah, because that's exactly how I feel right now. Not. I feel really stupid, or at least I have felt that way, but I am also starting to feel like GPA is just another number that doesn't express who I am. I know that it's important for my future, and I will bring that number up to more fully express myself, but...my grades have always been the most important thing to me, and going through this time of not being the best in that regard has forced me to put my self worth in other things, such as the fact that I am an amazing friend. I was too one faceted when I focused so severely on school. Yes, I still wish I had done better, and yes, I plan to do whatever it takes to achieve my goals from now on but...I also see that there's a lot to me, and the lack of perfection in academics doesn't make me as worthless as I've been feeling.
Recent life has been incredibly busy, with both school work and fun things. Liz and I had an adventure in LA, going to Amoeba and getting thebestpizzaever at Lucifer's in Los Feliz, where we also met the guitarist from a band called Ellie Sky (they're pretty good and still unfamous, so check them out). I went to Palm Springs over the weekend to visit Kate and stay with her family...her house is beautiful, but it still couldn't make up for the fact that we melted in the 115 degree heat every time we ventured outside. It was really fun though, and the long solo drive there and back gave me plenty of time to think about some things. I even called my mom on the way home to tell her how grateful I am to have her in my life. I realized that she is so important to me because we have such a good relationship...somewhere between mother/daughter and best friends. She makes me feel so safe and protected...and I know that whatever happens with this coming year, it will be okay because she will be there the whole time. She always says that she missed me dearly when I moved to school, but that was one of the hardest things for me-to not have her right in front of me when I was feeling so alone and scared.
The car ride also gave me a chance to reflect on my Friday. In the evening, I went with Brianne and her parents to the Hollywood Bowl. It was such an amazing night all around...we sat in box seats next to a tv director and had dinner in the amazing weather, then watched the show-Mancini, a personal favorite, topped off with fireworks that seemed to explode right over my head. I was in love...this is one of the things I love about living in LA. Later that night, I went to one of my close friend's birthday party, and most people know how I feel about parties. (I hate them, it's "one of my quirks".) This particular gathering was especially awkward because a guy that has broken my heart about 5000 times over was there...and I shocked myself when I realized that I was genuinely having fun. I was laughing a lot and it was just ridiculous, as it often is when I am stone sober and others are...not so. I wasn't left to flounder awkwardly, I had someone to talk to at all times, and it was just very laid back. I wasn't even THAT annoyed when the aforementioned heart breaker decided to throw a ping pong ball at me. (Although, honestly, are we 7 years old? Are you gonna pull my pigtails, too?) I'm even in some guy's "cool book", whatever that means.
The busy-ness continues this week and weekend and so on. Tomorrow should be fun, free show at the Armand Hammer museum with Liz...I guess I better dress like a hipster for that one :). This weekend, I get to see my friend from BU (!) for tacos and a Dodger game, because we like cliches. Then it's the weekend with my favorite semi relative...which includes being dragged to Harry Potter?!?!?! Ugh. Here we go.
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