1957

I don't know who's seen when Harry Met Sally, it's an older romantic comedy made before rom-coms were a treat for the actor to make and a guilty pleasure for their all female audience. There's a quote in it, said by the male lead, about how "men and women can't be friends without sleeping with each other. It just can't be done." The female lead argues with him, of course, and in the end, these two friends do end up being together...typical movie plot, but I feel that this idea stems from a social convention not often thought about in these thoroughly modern times. Can people of the opposite sexes be friends, merely platonic friends, infinitely? Must it always begin or end in romance, or at least attraction?

My view on things is always a little off the idea of social norms, so the following will be no exception. I think it's possible, totally possible, and I use myself as an example. My first thought is, what motivates friendship? I treat those that I want friendship with in a pretty different way than those I with which I want something more. I'm no indiscriminate flirter (maybe that's my problem), and I am careful with the distinction. I've surprised some people by saying that I have close friends who happen to be guys and yes, we spend one on one time together because that's often how I hang out with people. But can't that just mean that I enjoy their company and what they have to say without wanting them? I think so. 

I've also noticed that there seems to be some instinctual, perhaps archaic view on this matter. The division between genders has blurred in recent years, and friendship vs dating is not so black and white. Friends sleep with each other, while people who have dated can become the closest on a platonic level. Everything is a gray area now, especially when it comes to relations between people. So why is there still this almost completely universal belief, at least on a subconscious level, that a guy and a girl can't be friends without something between them? Whenever I'm with a guy, a friend, and it's just us two, there's always the assumption that we're together. I understand that that is often the case, but when I see a guy and a girl walking together without holding hands or whatever body language....I just don't assume that. 

Maybe I'm always a little different, but in talking to many people about this, the idea seems to be universally accepted that "just friends" is never a complete reality, that there's never complete equality. Hmm

In the end, I love my friends completely, whichever gender they are. To me, it's about personality and how I jive with a person, not attraction or wanting a friend of one gender of another. I do allow that in many cases, a one sided attraction leads to an eventual friendship, and I'm also a firm believer that the best relationships stem from the closest friendships. But a friend is a friend, so get over this idea that platonic is never platonic between different genders. It's possible, and it's a reality.