A lot like Love

As I spooned Natural super chunk Skippy into my mouth (recommend!), my friend and I were talking about the statistic that 95% of Americans lose their virginity by the age of 25. I find this crazy for no other reason than that I am almost 20, in less than half a year (though who's counting), and for that statistic to be true for me, I'd have to fall in love in 5 years.

That's epic soon.

So anyways, we kept talking, and she told me that she feels that she is falling in love with her current boyfriend, and I told her that that is scary to me. I could NOT imagine being in love at this stage in my life, period. Part of it, of course, is that this is a selfish time in my life, and part of it is that I'm not even dating anyone right now, so that idea is entirely abstract to me. More so, however, the idea of love scares me. I have a big heart and I love a lot of people, often entirely too quickly and fully and easily. It's in my nature to let people in...as friends. Beyond that, I find it too difficult. Being in love with someone, properly at least, requires not only letting them into your heart, but giving them a piece of yourself. Love is a big step, to be cliche, and falling in love, which I believe can only happen with full trust and a truly open heart, is a risk. It is sort of like that team building exercise we have all done at retreats where one person falls and another catches them, to teach absolute physical trust. It's like doing that...but with your heart, with your soul, even.

I can't imagine trusting someone so completely. I am bottled up in many regards, and opening myself so fully to one person...that's giving them a lot. I admire those who feel like they can give of themselves so fully at such a young age, and who have found someone for whom that risk is worth.

And, as for me? I'll be ready. Someday, maybe.