Tech

Great relief and incredible discomfort. These are adjectives for the pulling of a wisdom tooth, the finding of passion, the cool of aloe against newly sunburnt skin. One thing these words are not for, is the loss of PING PING PING.
My emails stopped coming through to my "smartphone" while I was on my "disconnected vacation". Disconnected. What a joke. My phone was in hand the entire time, reminding me that beyond the perfect simplicity of my family and being a visitor in their domestic lives, I had the real me waiting for me, just one clickclicksend away.
My phone has a tendency to snap back or freeze up with great overuse. No wonder they are called smartphones...they are smart enough to know when to quit. For me, I just gulp more caffeine, and will the treadmill to do its worst.
I have a strange awareness of how wrapped up I am in my projects and my BU life. It's like I can sort of see myself as someone on the street might, stomping about and being...determined. I will never have this kind of energy again, and I am filling up every moment I can with these things that I love. For someone who loves their downtime, it's a strange habit, that I am the busiest person I know. I wish I could articulate myself further than...I love it, and I'm addicted to controlled frenzy.

When I was in high school, I would go to Mexico every year. There was no way to reach me for 6 days straight. I was in a bubble, talking only to the group I was with. The greatest entertainment came not from internet gossip or anyone's facebook, but from the best stories told around the nightly fire as we huddled for warmth against the thick fog, or in the whispered secrets of the crowded, freezing tents at an unknown time in the night. We spent a week without any real concept of time, with "electricity" consisting of a flashlight here and there. Luxury was a sweater that was warm enough, a non smashed sandwich lunch each day, or a loan of a headlamp to be able to read at night. Luxury was beef at dinner, finding a pair of clean socks, and being the first person to use the clean boiled water, before dust could settle in it.
What is luxury now? A beautiful new car. A 200 dollar meal at the most popular restaurant in town. The smartest smartphone around.
It is the best of what we have, and maybe we have too much. The "best" is different to different people, but what does a car mean if you have no one to sit with you on long drives? A fire seems the "best" when what you want and need most is anyone else.

You know what? My phone is a necessity to me. If I didn't have communication, I wouldn't have the opportunities I am getting these days, to shoot for the career that I really want. I'm not oblivious to that.

Allow me, however, to miss my Mexican Nowhere. There is a part of you that isn't really allowed to exist in the insanity of regular life, a part that can only emerge when comfort and preoccupation and familiarity are stripped away. I wouldn't say that this is the "true you", really, but I would venture to say that it is an important part that isn't allowed out often enough.

Today, there are "technology retreats". They are vacations of all shapes and sizes, but one overarching rule: no internet, no phones, no connecting. So we need uniformed attendants to instruct us to drop the email and connect with the human next to us.
No.
I'm challenging myself to be more here, where I am, wherever that may be. That email can wait. Life is right here, and we are all so busy trying to catch up with a life over the airwaves, a life that can't even exist on the ground.
Now, when I am with someone, I am with them fully. No texting, no emails. I give you myself, as simple as falling rain. Human connection is inevitable, sometimes painful, and completely necessary. Don't let that smartphone, outsmart you.