Caterpiller

It has certainly been a while since I last posted. This break was...the worst, ever. It was wonderful in some regards, and I definitely needed to be home. However, there was never a moment of complete peace or total joy. It was very difficult, and requiring of the inner strength I have had to build for many years. It wasn't all bad, however. The difficulty of break gave me the perspective I needed on this past semester and on my life. I realized that I was so desperate to have everyone love me and be that perfect social butterfly that I was simultaneously designing my own destruction. Every part of me rebels against that, about being constantly social or even chatty. My personality is extremely distinct, and I often describe it as anti social, though I'm not sure that's the correct word for it. It's more like, I need my space and alone time in much greater volumes than most 19 year old girls. I'm easily impatient, easily weary, and have a hard time hiding my feelings. While this can make it hard to interact with people, it has forced me to choose my friends carefully and to understand myself more deeply than others. I guess...I wouldn't have chosen to be this way, but since I am, I can see the true good in it. I will never be the girl with the 1000 friends, but I finally figured out that that is completely acceptable. I just have to be careful with how I spend my time, socially and otherwise. And that's my constant struggle, I suppose.

Otherwise....I have mixed feelings about this semester. It promises to be really difficult, academically, and a lot of work in everything I am involved in. I will have to throw myself in with fervor. And that's...awesome?