Really.

Really [?!?]

Yes, I really did miss you.

Your surprise, surprises me.

How could I not miss you? You are so easy. I feel myself falling into your words, your eyes, as we talk. As the world melts away around us. Every place is our park bench, our private universe, where no one else...really matters. We talk about everyone that matters, matters out there..but it's out there.

Vulnerability. Weakness. Some of us, we're made of weakness. Those who are strongest and...bold, so bold-they're often the ones suffering the most. I know you are snapping at me because I have something you don't. Stop trying to talk me into believing that, that you are so self possesed now. That a few months doing something different has changed every bit of you. I don't believe it for a second, especially when I can see straight through you on this very normal Fall afternoon. When the distractions, the overt beauty, the newness...when they are all stripped away, all I can see is you. And the huddled, scared little one that you are.

I've learned something real. Relationships are a choice on two ends. Love is expressed differently by every person, but the choice to react, enact, and exist in conjunction-that's not one sided. I'm not sure I want some of you back. I'm sure I don't want some of you. What's the time limit on hurt? When is the time to move on? Exactly 800 hours from the time of the impact? Do I get a grace period if I have a lot going on? I am a science experiment, put on this earth to feel more than anyone else, to experience humanity at the very core of who I am-not just my humanity, but everyone else's, too.

Who asked me? I don't want your burdens! OFF, off, off.

No wonder I forget that I have a choice, too.

I decide not to ask if you missed me. Really. I didn't ask.

I didn't have to.

Really.

One word, said it all.

Really.

I WANT you, I want you right there, on my park bench, on our bench, forever. I thought we at least had forever.

Really.

I know what I have to do to get you back.

Why can't I see that I have a choice? Why can't I see that I don't have to have you? What about you, having me? Does love and a genuine soul really scare you so much? Do you have to run so far?

Really?

really.