Lady

How can I sum up my past two weeks? They've been exhilarating, and exhausting. I've spent a lot of time by myself, in really crowded and beautiful cities. I learned something important about myself: it's not that I often choose to be by myself in order to escape tiresome company or to detox from a social day, but merely because I really just enjoy solitude and the companionship of no one. I get to do whatever I want when I am on my own, without fear of judgement or the pull of the obligations of others. There are very few friends that I can honestly say provide me with that kind of perfect company, so being on my own is often a place I find a different kind of comfort and freedom. Most people know that my freedom is one of my most treasured possessions and values-I even want a tattoo of flying birds to symbolize how important it is to me. Not that I will get the ink, because I am a lady....

Which brings me to what I want to write about. I have been traveling and seeing people, and that has been perfect and wonderful, but I don't feel any compulsion to complain about the fact that I had to take 6 flights in the space of 5 days, or to wax poetic on the values of DC, Manhattan, Brooklyn, Boston, and LA. They were wonderful and I gained a few pounds in each city, and it's hard for me to express what love I felt in the hospitality of my hosts. But my subject this week? It's on being a lady.

This is a pretty loaded topic for yours truly. Since I was a very little girl, I have been trained to have impeccable manners and depthless class. Being polite isn't just a formality, it is a complex mindset that dictates that you must make all others feel comfortable and at ease above yourself. I have learned that manners are a type of selflessness, but that manners are not the only aspect of being polite and of being a lady. Class is not something that can be learned late in life-you either learned it young, or you didn't. I miss wide spread gentility; I know that I am a feminist, but I also believe that men should open doors for women, that one should actually care when you ask "How are you?", and that how you dress really does tell the world what you think of yourself. I believe please and thank you should be said with eye contact and sincerity, and that compliments should be given only when you truly want to give them, so that they may be genuine.

My manners training has never led me astray-I am only in trouble when I get tired or impatient, and I let my polite upbringing fall to the wayside in favor of swear words and bad posture. Do I think rules such as "Sip your soup away from your mouth" or "You may never carry more weight than will be a light strain" are a little ridiculous? Of course-I'm fiercely independent and something of a boy at times, and following rules such as these often seem superfluous at best. Each person should be allowed to be whoever they want to be, but having years of being taught the ways of polite company has always given me a background to fall back on that I really treasure. Formal events and small talk are never awkward for me. I know how to use a complex place setting, and I know how to avoid judgment in the upper eschelons, just by how I dress. I'm told that I have perfect posture and can articulate better than some politicians, and I owe these attributes to my "training".

Being a "lady" in these modern times is not easy. Women facing unbelievable pressures to be everyone and everything, and do it all without breaking a sweat. We are supposed to be sexy, but never trashy. Intelligent, but not outspoken. Independent, but within the boundaries of social norms. Polite, but never stiff. How complex could our lives possibly be, just by the virtue of existing?? It's enough to drive a girl crazy. I muddle through, hoping my efforts at class are received well. Honestly, I know that I am better received by adults than by people my age, and part of my being a lady is that I prefer not to talk about personal matters to a public audience. I don't kiss and tell to just anyone.

I've noticed that I've been dressing more like fashion icons Jackie O and Audrey Hepburn as of late. I've forgone boys' clothes in favor of dressing in a more ladylike, sweet way-it suits me, I must say. After 2 years of college, I moved on from trying to be funky, and I've embraced my own style of being clean-cut, sometimes androgynous and sometimes saccharine, but always classy and hopefully, a kind of everyday elegance. I'm growing up, but bringing my breeding with me. Out dated and old fashioned as I might seem, I'm not going to change. I just have to believe that the "formality" and politeness is appreciated, sooner or later.

And remember! "A lady never crosses her legs at the knee." Ankle cross and tuck, people!