Gone

I am gone.

You might see me, sitting here on my bed in Boston...actually no one can see me. So if you see me, that's creepy, and I have more issues than I realized.

Regardless, I am gone. Mentally, I have checked out, and being here is officially agonizing. My energy towards being social is completely gone. I can't stand anyone, and in some ways, I'm not covering it up very effectively anymore. I miss being home, and 4 months is TOO long for me. I need to go back, to feel the sense of familiarity and belonging that is uniquely Kimberly Drive and uniquely Agoura and uniquely SoCal and uniquely...home. I need a hug from my mom, I need my coffee machine, I need my dog to sit on my laptop, I need my ipod coming out of my car speakers, I need station 7...I need it all. All of these things, they went from "want" to "need" very quickly, and I recognize that these next 11 days will stretch on interminably.

I'm so ready to return. I've pulled away from here in some ways, because I just can't be here anymore. I'm not unhappy, just in touch with where I am. I need a long separation and I need to get my energy back. I'm worn out in so many ways, especially mentally and emotionally.

The season is pulling me through. Even though this time is always very stressful for me, I refuse to let go of the sense of magic that it brings. You can't help smiling when it is cold but you are warm inside, and everyone and everything is glowing from within. It's just...it's truly the season to glow. I can't help but fall madly in love with this time of year.

I can't wait to glow all the way back to California and string the lights on the palm tree.

Peace.