I need a judge. Or God.

Decisions. Or, decision. I'm not really sure, but they continue to chase me, no matter if I get a few days of certainty stuck in there at some point. It's so tiring and frustrating..today, after barely sleeping, I feel like my head is actually going to explode. Like I have pressure in my head...it's interesting.

But

I have also been able to learn about myself in this whole process. Which is good, because just getting anxiety and an ulcer is seriously unproductive. I'm learning that I am always ready for a new adventure. I feel like I never really got the adventure I was looking for when I went off to college, though I moved across the country to a city I barely knew. I still made it familiar, which is what I needed at the time. But I need my adventure. I've been waiting my whole life for the chance to carve out a life story that is uniquely my own. One that I can look back on and tell people about, and have them be able to say, wow, you certainly have taken a winding path less traveled to get to....wherever I am. I want that, more so now that I have the opportunity. Being a doctor can give me the opportunity to keep having adventures and support myself and help people all at once, and that's still my goal. I guess I am just surprised at the deep feeling of adventure and spontaneity that I yearn for. So, with that in mind, I need to figure my next year out. I have a goal and I have a few choices. Now what? Well, I don't know. But I'm gonna get there.